I Love Time Zones - Ian

Oh, how I love time zones. If it weren't for them, I'd have lost this challenge on day one, and then again now, the next day, which I shall dub "two". What will I discuss? Well, as much as I love to avoid big ticket items, I'm going to lean on such a one.

Now that I have you writhing in your seats, sweat dripping from your chins in anticipation, ready to burst with excitement, here we go: Michael Phelps.

Allow me to preface this by first saying I would be foolish to dismiss his talent and abilities as a swimmer. He's an incredible athlete. And I don't resent him as an athlete. Hell, I wish Canada had a Michael Phelps. Maybe we'd win a medal before day 6.

I just can't take the attention. I expect it from NBC. I expect their Michael Phelps gold medal counter in the bottom corner of the screen and the countdown until his next race. That's their thing that they do. What I want to know is why CBC is giving him just as much attention? We have over 300 athletes participating at these Olympics. Can we not give them ANY attention? I'm not saying they all need a 10 minute spot or more, but something beyond the "a 57 year old trap shooter didn't qualify for the final", which seems to be more their style. That's all I'm asking. So many sports are neglected and so many athletes, too! Ever heard of Handball? Highly doubtful, unless you're from Quebec or Manitoba.

Anyway, I can't imagine how Phelps deals with all this attention. Well, I have an idea. By now, you must have seen his ridiculous macho posturing after winning gold medal number two, in the 4x100m freestyle relay. It was such a ridiculous display of testosterone it made me ill. Then what made me more ill was the thought of him alone in his room: "Oh, Michael Phelps, you're such a good swimmer, Michael Phelps. I love you, Michael Phelps. Eight gold medals, Michael Phelps? Let me get you a Kleenex, Michael Phelps." Oh lord, I feel dirty now. Just like Michael Phelps. Gross.

This just in: Jon smells.