We live.

Wow, so no posts for a year, huh? Well, I just spent the last hour reading over all the posts we've ever done, for we have written so few, especially when you take out the Irish Bull Blogging Challenge. Anyway, I was just reading this article wherein I posited that by age 27 perhaps I would score a "wicked awesome push-pin". I just thought I would take this opportunity to update you all, that at 75% through age 27, no such push-pin has been acquired.

Also, I got married this summer and Jon was one of my groomsmen. It was a day that I would go so far as to call "an amazingly fun time" and "a day I will never forget so long as I live." Thanks for being there, man.

Fuck Balloon Boy.

B(l)ack from Hiatus - by Jon

Well, we've both been busy this month. Ian was out of town for a while for work, and I was... well, lazy. Hopefully, we can get back on track soon, because writing again has been pretty fun.

I've only ever started one Facebook group, and that was for a brief and limited purpose. I came up with an idea for one while cooking the other day, and a quick search of Facebook has confirmed that nobody has taken up this particular cause. Ready?

Group Name: Free Uncle Ben!
Group Slogan: Because most n*ggas get to retire at 65.


I'm not sure if this is a) funny, b) only funny to me. Thoughts?

THIS IS A TEASER POST - by Jon

Instead of blogging, I am going to sleep. There will be a full post tomorrow. In the interim, here is what you need to know:

1) I have a preliminary appointment with LASIK tomorrow. If it's not SUPER cost-prohibitive, I'm going to give laser eye surgery a try. My appointment is at 8:50am, which is why I'm going to sleep instead of blogging tonight. If I'm going to get shot in the face with a laser, I'd like to be at my most well-rested.

More tomorrow,

Over and out.

5 minutes - Ian

Holy shit, I've pulled a Jon and completely forgotten I still have to post today. It is now 23:55 PST, er 23:56. I'm out west on training for my work, and I totally got caught up this evening in having fun and being ridiculous. WITHOUT booze, might I add. I didn't think it was possible, but hey, live and learn.

Surrey BC is a shithole, folks. Don't go there. I was unable to go out for lunch one day because the police were arresting a man for walking around naked outside the building. Also, in the park across the street there has been a large amount of drugs for the shooting and a whole lot of sex for the having. It's a disgusting place. Don't go. Promise me, now. I don't ask for much.

I've been feeling sick all week, so I think I'm going to go to bed semi-early today. Yes, 11pm is early. Training is just kinda like that. Word.

I promise I might try to do better. But I figure after bailing out Jon like the banks, I'm allowed a couple absolutely shitty posts in a row.

Boobs. Time 23:59. Boo-yah.

Post-Script - by Jon

Disclaimer: this blog post does not absolve Ian of his responsibility to write tomorrow. I just wanted to write some things down before I forget them, and make up for Friday's thin post.

Talking Point #1:

I'm starting a new job on October 6th, and am effectively on vacation until then. When I get bored, that boredem tends to manifest itself in charmingly domestic ways. Lately, I have been on something of a baking/cooking tear, prompting my roommate Rob to mention that I'm "like the black Martha Stewart." I disagreed, because if I really were the black Martha Stewart, I would have gone to jail much earlier. And I'd still be there now. I'm just sayin'...

Talking Point #2:

Somewhat related to the first point, it occured to me while baking that banana bread becomes somewhat less appetizing if you accidentally contemplate bananas as the feces of some great, yellow beast. Think, colour and texture.

If you want me to ruin any more desserts for you, let me know.

Talking Point #3:

This morning, I received a text message from a friend that read, "Jon, do you have parking in your area?" Random question, but since we're having a party on October 3rd, I suppose this friend wanted to know where she could park. I phoned her back immediately, and my call went to voicemail.

I then received a text message explaining why my friend didn't pick up my call. She wrote,

"Hey sorry. Haha. I'm at church. Haha... I should be paying attention!"

Let the record now show that in 25 years on this planet, I have never in a single instance been more tempted to send somebody, via cellphone messaging, a picture of my penis.

Instead, I am saving that particular gag for the next wedding I attend.

Talking Point #4:

It has been pointed out to me, and would be unfair not to mention, that bananas don't necessarily have to be imagined as the feces of some great, yellow beast. Instead, they can be imagined as the feces of a great beast who simply ate too many yellow things.

Blame Rob for that one.

____

Hope this makes up for Friday. Over and out.

The Jon Show - by Jon

If Ian can be lame, so can I. I am postponing my post until tomorrow afternoon, at which time, I plan to be sober.

For the moment, I am drunk on red wine, and full of delicious beef. A successful barbecue was thrown at our house tonight, and I cannot be responsible for what I write, should I continue.

Tomorrow, then!

~JT

The Ian Show

This isn't going to be two hundred words. I'm away from Calgary, farther west, thank you, work! I'm also drinking.

Victory!!!