Waterworld: Redux - Ian write this

I should begin this post by apologising to Jon for taking a light jab at his portly figure. He isn't really fat and also he is pretty good at Jiu Jitsu and could remove my head from my body in an instant, take it to the local bowling alley and roll a strike, then come back to my body which wouldn't have hit the ground yet and just make it disappear into oblivion with some weird voodoo jitsu curse.

Besides, it's a bit hypocritical of me. For those of you who don't know me, I suppose it wasn't that many years ago that I had a physique that, if I didn't know better, could only be the product of Jabba the Hutt mating with the Rogers Centre. In the last year or two I have lost a lot of weight. Apparently my BMI is normal, but I still feel too light. On the advice of friends, I have decided to commit to a healthier diet, eating more food, drinking more water. That sort of thing.

I never realised how difficult it is to drink water. Did you know you're supposed to drink at least 2 litres of water a day? That involves drinking a lot when you're not thirsty and results in way too many trips to the toilet. Yesterday, I must have gone at least a dozen times. It was ridiculous. The Man must have been disappointed with my productivity yesterday, it having been interrupted so many times by nature's incessant call. Maybe it's just my body getting used to receiving water again, and I hope it is, because I see little point in drinking 2 litres of water a day just to give it a quick tour of the body.

The doctors say this is good, though. My body will learn to actually retain the water and this is healthy. For my urinary tract. I'll have a healthy urinary tract. It seems to me that drinking this much water to develop a healthy urinary tract is similar to compulsive masturbation
to ensure healthy testicles, but am I really willing to invest the effort into both of these ventures?? Really, now. I'm only one man.

And so Jon and I both ponder our existences, but I'll tell you this. Who's going to have the healthiest balls and urinary tract in Western Canada? This guy.